Tuesday, 26 November 2013

Do not run faster than you have strength


OK maybe not quite like that. Read this......

Mosiah 4:27 - And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order.

This is a wonderful verse of scripture, and it contains so much. It’s like my head explodes with ideas and thoughts (good ones) whenever I read it.

It speaks of so many principles, which correctly understood, can transform our lives. Some of these being –

Wisdom
Order
Temperance
Patience
Persistence

It is both universal and personal in its application.

It puts in perspective quite clearly what the expectation of us is in the sight of a loving Heavenly Father.

It suggests being patient and kind with ourselves, while at the same time not making excuses for our weaknesses. Not running faster than we have strength still suggests that we should be running/moving but just at a pace that is right for us and our current situation.

There will be times we can run harder, do more, withstand more, and there will be times that we can’t think of anything other than making it to the end of the day.

The nicest thing that comes from this is that we learn that it isn’t speed that wins the prize, but diligence. Keep going daily. Do what you can, Be honest about what you can and can’t do.

Of late I have been feeling good (does OCD ever really leave though?) and have wanted to take on so much more. I feel like this is a time that I have the capacity to run faster than usual, and I want to. Some are concerned about for me that I might be doing too much. Maybe they are right. I won’t argue. Last thing I want to do is burn out or go down in a blaze of glory when I don’t have to go ‘down’ at all.

There are some exciting things coming my way in the near future and I don’t want to be incapacitated with my OCD alter ego. I have a name for him. Pete.

Pete’s an idiot.

Lately he has had me doing some really bizarre things.

One of which was truly odd. I remember as a teenager I used to have some tics where I would involuntarily blink a lot or open my mouth wide. These all passed with time and I haven’t really got any tics these days.

However, one thing I can’t stop doing is running through events in my head. I relive conversations and situations. I really struggle to stop doing this once I start. This has sometimes led to me talking them out loud again while I am in the car by myself or anywhere by myself. I think the anxiety is that I came away looking silly or I made a mistake with something I said.

Anyway, I was coming home from work on the bus the other night and I started re-imagining a previous conversation I had with someone. While mentally revisiting it my thoughts took the conversation down a root that it never went down in reality. The next thing I knew I was opening my eyes to see myself waving my arms around, pulling a silly face and saying something out loud in front of the whole bus.
They must have thought I was insane, because I thought that about myself in that very instance.

It felt completely involuntary. So much so that I didn’t know I was doing it until I opened my eyes, which I also hadn’t even realised I had closed. I have never physically acted out my thoughts in such a way before. Not even in private. The most outward it’s been is in speaking it all again out loud.

I have been a bit panicky since then that I will do something involuntarily somewhere of more importance or significance to me in future. I don’t want to do something so seemingly crazy at work, church, at a meeting or in front of my family. It feels like the real definition of crazy to me.

There’s nothing like that to make you feel like you are completely insane. I guess that anyone who is really insane doesn’t think they are insane. The very fact you think you might be insane is generally a good sign that you aren’t. Well, that’s what I am telling myself anyway.

Have you ever experienced any involuntary movements, actions or tics that are OCD related?

Mine have all been internal until that point on the bus. Let’s hope I’m not evolving into having more outward compulsions. I’ve heard that can happen as OCD can change over time.

To get back on topic, I’m learning from this verse of scripture all the time and the lesson is relevant to the above situation. It’s all about pacing yourself and doing what you can. Stuff is going to happen in life, stuff you would never even have imagined. Let’s not panic at them, but accept them and be more concerned with doing what you can. Try to live in the moment using mindfulness principles rather than living in past events, conversations or situations.

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