Wednesday, 12 December 2012 0 comments

Paranoia

I have seen a lot of discussion on the net about whether Paranoia is part of OCD.

While there are specific paranoia disorders, it is also evident that symptoms of paranoia are prevalent within other mental disorders where the key mental issue anxiety or depression.

I can think of several paranoid thoughts that I regularly deal with. If they are not related to having OCD, they at least can trigger or exacerbate the key OCD thoughts/behaviours.

Some of my paranoid thoughts -
  • People are talking about me behind my back because no one actually likes me or they think I'm weird
  • Work colleagues think I'm terrible at my job and may be trying to get me out of my job
  • Bad things, like my car breaking down, are happening because God is punishing me for things I do wrong
  • I can't let myself or my loved ones go near heights as I'm sure someone is going to fall and die. This feeds into the God one where this is happening because I'm a bad person
The scrupulous nature of the paranoia is very difficult because as a religious person you are taught and believe that God is 'all seeing' and is giving out blessings or correction on a daily basis. These correlate quite closely to the paranoid thoughts of being watched and someone being out to get you.

My current example is that my car has broken down and I have a very costly repair. To top it off it's Christmas coming up and we can't afford the repair. Over the last four years our car has had problems every December and it has been costly and ill timed. I have been and even now feel convinced that this is God trying to punish me and send me a message that I am doing things wrong and need to correct them.

Let me be clear though, the things I come up with as being 'sins' or 'wrong' have nothing that evenly remotely connects them with my car breaking down. As an example, this is just made up, it's like saying I smoke cigarettes so God is making my central heating breakdown as a sign that I am sinning and he is punishing me. Or I am cheating on my wife so God has made me lose my job.

Do any of you think there is any possibility of such events being realistic? Is this how God acts? Are these purely paranoid thoughts?

It is very strange to feel something is correct when to others it would seem like a ridiculous connection to make.

I am so frustrated and almost hopeless today. I don't want to care about anything and I just want to feel left alone! Everything seems to have significane and a massive impact on my life.
 
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